DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish…………………………….49.

Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone.

Athletic…………………………..No breasts.

Average looking…………………Moooo.

Beautiful…………………………Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure……………...On medication.

Feminist………………………….Fat.

Free Spirit………………………..Junkie.

Friendship first…………………..Former Slut.

New-Age………………………...Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned……………………No B.J.'s

Open-minded…………………….Desperate.

Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing.

Professional……………………...Bitch.

Voluptuous………………………Very fat.

Large frame……………………...Hugely fat.

Wants soul mate…………………Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes……………………………….No

No………………………………..Yes

Maybe……………………………No

We need………………………….I want

I am sorry………………………..You'll be sorry

We need to talk………………….You're in trouble

Sure, go ahead…………………...You better not

Do what you want……………….You will pay for this later

I am not upset……………………Of course, I am upset, you moron!

You're attentive tonight…………Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry………………………I am hungry

I am sleepy……………………….I am sleepy

I am tired…………………………I am tired

Nice dress………………………...Nice cleavage!

I love you………………………...Let's have sex now

I am bored………………………..Do you want to have sex?

May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.

Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think your shoes go with that outfit…………..I'm gay